I'm Not Your Therapist, Mom
You're not the family dumping ground. You can love them and still step out of the drama.
The phone rings. It's your mom. Forty minutes later, you've heard all about your dad. Again. In episode 4 of No Drama Holidays, Jacquie walks straight into the middle of the family drama: the feuds, the side-taking, the loyalty tests and the dinners you spend refereeing instead of eating. She shares the Christmas her dad suggested a hotel in Florida, and how one "rescue" turned them both into the bad guys. Then she names the pattern behind every family drama, the drama triangle, and shows you how to step out of it without cutting anyone off. (Unless you want to. You have options.) And no, it's not just a holiday thing. It's all year round.
In this episode:
• Why you became the family translator, messenger and Switzerland
• The loyalty test: "You agree with me, don't you?"
• What being everyone's dumping ground really feels like, and how long you've been doing it
• The Florida Christmas, and how a rescue turns you into the bad guy
• The drama triangle (Karpman, 1968): victim, rescuer, persecutor
• "Patriarchy didn't just give women the cooking. It gave us everyone's feelings to manage."
• One sentence that changes the phone call: "Mom, I love you. I'm not going to talk about Dad with you anymore."
• Why being cast as the bad guy means it's working
• The barking dog: same pattern, different cast (it's in your marriage, your friendships and your job too)
Your question this week: Did anyone actually ask me to fix this?
Mentioned:
• Free guide: How to Say NO to Things You Don't Want to Do – Holiday Edition. The words for the moment someone asks you to pick a side → befearlessafter40.com/holiday
• Course: Drama Free Relationships ($27, four short video lessons with a workbook for each) → befearlessafter40.com/dramafree
Want me in your corner? Unwritten is my private 12-week coaching, by voice note, for women over 40 who are done living by rules they never chose. befearlessafter40.com/unwritten
Bold, brave and breaking the rules. Be Fearless After 40 is for women over 40 who are done people-pleasing. Everyone is welcome here, including trans women.
